Recently, I have been wrestling with the idea of self-sabotage. A dangerous reality that leads to decisions that make you question yourself, and why God would call you,u knowing the baggage that you carry. I am not perfect. I have not done or gotten everything correct in life. So, it’s not uncommon for me to feel undeserving of many things, especially the desire to succeed.
Self-sabotage was seeded in places where you can dream big, and it was shot down by those you expected to push you. There is a significant difference between constructive criticism and discouragement. People will discourage you from achieving. Not offering constructive feedback, but always offering damaging criticism. Why you aren’t good enough, instead of how can I help you edify your perspective to achieve maximum success. Self-confidence was destroyed, and self-sabotage was born.
So, subconsciously, I became my worst critic, always overthinking, on top of being molded into the character God desired for me. Fighting God about His decision to choose me because I believed all of the reasons, myself and people gave me, as to why God made a mistake in His choice of me. Growth then becomes deconstructing the negative thoughts and behaviors that led me to believe I was the mistake.
Growth was recognizing that in trying NOT to be something, I became a version of myself that I couldn’t recognize. Point of clarity! It wasn’t all bad. There is a difference between an established standard of righteousness and decision intimidation (not doing something because it displeases a person). Makes sense? Cool.
Here in the lesson, you can’t allow how people see you, or how you see yourself, to cause you to rebel against your destiny. It was God’s decision to call Moses. It was Moses’ decision to murder the Egyptian, and it showed up as guilt because of how the people (those Moses was trying to help) saw him, and how Moses, in turn, saw himself. The blessing in all of this is that God still chooses him. The plan of destruction against your destiny by people who you thought should help and you helped does not override what God has already seen in you.
Don’t die being a version of yourself that God never intended you to be. Live above the sabotage!
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